New Feature: Ask Dr Del
By Delporte
Columnist
The columnist will answer questions that members of TVM have with regards to their social or provincial lifes. Readers, please send in your questions and you might just have your chance to see what Dr Del has in store for you
Disclaimer: Dr Del's advices do not necessary reflect the views of the paper. We have no judgement on STDs.
~About Delporte~
Dr Delporte is an aspiring doctor at the TreatMe Hospital in DelisGreenWithEnvy Province. He is on the board of several associations like Fungus and Me Anonymous, Itchy There HelpGroup etc. He is also the chairman of Use Your Brain in War Committee. Recently, he has also been conveyed an honorary doctorate in Weird Diseases from University of PeasantVille.
Q: Dear Del,
I used to be able to pick up all kinds of hot chicks when I would leave my castle and go out to the Tavern of nogarD, but since I started losing my hair due to many nights staying up with my wizzies, the radiation exposure from the runes has made my hair loss increase at an incredible rate! This leaves me feeling less confident with the lady folk and I cant even talk to the women anymore... What can I do?
Signed,
Blake
A:Dear Blake,
What you are suffering from is not rune radiation but an extra amount of testosterone. This hormone is what makes all men sexually verile, and able to keep our soldier at attention! What I reccomend is dont feel bad. In fact be confident because the chicks in the village will dig it! Just remember the more hair you lose... will just equal out to the more HEAD you will get!
Signed
Dr Delporte
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Q:Dear Del,
I have heard several rumors concerning a kingdommate, his pet monkey, and a banana. There have been several circumstances which lend these "rumors" to a certain level of believability, if not absolute truth. Anyway, my question to you is, can humans and monkeys give each other sexually transmitted diseases? And if so, are genital warts one such transmittable disease? Furthermore, is it true that bananas, when lubricated and used properly, can decrease anal swelling? That's all I really want to know, as I am concerned for my kingdommate's health and well-being. Thanks.
Signed,
The Faery Lord
A: Dear Faery Lord,
Yes humans can get sexually transmitted diseases, including Genital warts. Especially if they are transmitted anally. Now how long have you... I mean how long has your "Friend" been seeing this monkey? Second of all is the monkey the real object of desire or is it the banana? Is the monkey in direct contact with your "Friend" or does he pleasure himself first with the banana then uses it on his victims? Because if he is pleasuring you, I mean pleasuring your friend with the banana after he has pleasured him self with the banana then you wouldnt have to worry about the genital warts but unfortunately you or your "Friend" as you put it will be subjected to whats called ANAL warts, and I am sure that would be most unpleasant. Also if your said friend is a Faery, Anal warts when spread works very similar to leperacy, only the genatialia will fall off first. One thing about this rare form of ANAL warts that does worry me is that all the victims who have it often refer to themselves as their friend or pass it off on someone else, this is the denial stage. If I were you I would seek immediate medical attention and be sure to bring the monkey because we dont want this spreading through TVM kingdom. Afterall he may be your very own "Little Outbreak Monkey"
Signed,
Dr Delporte
Columnist
The columnist will answer questions that members of TVM have with regards to their social or provincial lifes. Readers, please send in your questions and you might just have your chance to see what Dr Del has in store for you
Disclaimer: Dr Del's advices do not necessary reflect the views of the paper. We have no judgement on STDs.
~About Delporte~
Dr Delporte is an aspiring doctor at the TreatMe Hospital in DelisGreenWithEnvy Province. He is on the board of several associations like Fungus and Me Anonymous, Itchy There HelpGroup etc. He is also the chairman of Use Your Brain in War Committee. Recently, he has also been conveyed an honorary doctorate in Weird Diseases from University of PeasantVille.
Q: Dear Del,
I used to be able to pick up all kinds of hot chicks when I would leave my castle and go out to the Tavern of nogarD, but since I started losing my hair due to many nights staying up with my wizzies, the radiation exposure from the runes has made my hair loss increase at an incredible rate! This leaves me feeling less confident with the lady folk and I cant even talk to the women anymore... What can I do?
Signed,
Blake
A:Dear Blake,
What you are suffering from is not rune radiation but an extra amount of testosterone. This hormone is what makes all men sexually verile, and able to keep our soldier at attention! What I reccomend is dont feel bad. In fact be confident because the chicks in the village will dig it! Just remember the more hair you lose... will just equal out to the more HEAD you will get!
Signed
Dr Delporte
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q:Dear Del,
I have heard several rumors concerning a kingdommate, his pet monkey, and a banana. There have been several circumstances which lend these "rumors" to a certain level of believability, if not absolute truth. Anyway, my question to you is, can humans and monkeys give each other sexually transmitted diseases? And if so, are genital warts one such transmittable disease? Furthermore, is it true that bananas, when lubricated and used properly, can decrease anal swelling? That's all I really want to know, as I am concerned for my kingdommate's health and well-being. Thanks.
Signed,
The Faery Lord
A: Dear Faery Lord,
Yes humans can get sexually transmitted diseases, including Genital warts. Especially if they are transmitted anally. Now how long have you... I mean how long has your "Friend" been seeing this monkey? Second of all is the monkey the real object of desire or is it the banana? Is the monkey in direct contact with your "Friend" or does he pleasure himself first with the banana then uses it on his victims? Because if he is pleasuring you, I mean pleasuring your friend with the banana after he has pleasured him self with the banana then you wouldnt have to worry about the genital warts but unfortunately you or your "Friend" as you put it will be subjected to whats called ANAL warts, and I am sure that would be most unpleasant. Also if your said friend is a Faery, Anal warts when spread works very similar to leperacy, only the genatialia will fall off first. One thing about this rare form of ANAL warts that does worry me is that all the victims who have it often refer to themselves as their friend or pass it off on someone else, this is the denial stage. If I were you I would seek immediate medical attention and be sure to bring the monkey because we dont want this spreading through TVM kingdom. Afterall he may be your very own "Little Outbreak Monkey"
Signed,
Dr Delporte
posted by Unknown | 11:58 PM
1 Comments:
Dear Del.
this some crazy whacked out shit right here. How did this come about?
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